if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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