yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
