My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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