thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
