ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
