dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
