I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
