Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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