I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i now understand why vodka
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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