I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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