On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
