Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
