You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
