Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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