i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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