Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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