I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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