Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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