me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
