i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
