i think my mom watched the whole time
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
