and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
