if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
