maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
