just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
