end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
