Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
