if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
