I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
