Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize