Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
