Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
