I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
