Tell her she can't have a vagina
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
