Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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