Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize