he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
