sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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