Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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