Pants 0. Shit 1.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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