his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
