Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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