I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
