You're completely useless in the revolution.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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