his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
