You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
