tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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