Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
