It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
