Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
