roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
