the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
