How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
