i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You are the jesus of drinking
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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