I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
