guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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