Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
