i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My balls are so social today.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
