the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
