That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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