That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
