did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
