I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
