I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
