Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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