And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
