I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
