she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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