You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
