That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
