Screwed.edu
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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